Gender Identity Through The Nigerian Queer Lens

Upon hearing the news of childbirth, the first question many Nigerians ask is, “Is the baby girl or boy?” They rarely consider an in-between or neither, because infants are automatically assigned the gender that matches their sex, expected to identify as this and perform its roles as they grow.

Gender identity is the personal conception of one’s own gender. Although the most common gender identities in the world are boy/man and girl/woman, there are more identities than this binary category covers. Some people grow up to continue identifying as the gender that correlates with their assigned sex, and are called cisgender. Others choose a gender identity different from their assigned sex, and are called transgender. There are people who do not identify as either of the binary, and are referred to as genderqueer or non-binary.

While a doctor can determine and pronounce a baby’s sex, it ought to be up to that child to decide its gender identity as it grows, knows itself intimately, interacts with the world, and discovers different ways it wants to express itself.

In a Nigerian society where gender roles are nearly enforced on individuals right from childhood, there is little to no space for people of a perceived gender to behave contrary to the stereotypes attributed to that gender. Gender expressions are determined by and restricted to sociocultural expectations of what a girl, boy, woman, and man should be; an attempt to step outside of these boxes is attracting an unpleasant attention to oneself.

Despite the laws and hostility hindering the freedom of queer people in Nigeria, some of them are stepping out of the closet regardless and are at their most authentic in safe spaces. Findmymethod.org provides such a safe space for people of all gender identities to interact on their forum from anywhere in the world.

To document experiences of genderqueer Nigerians, I spoke to four of them and asked what it means to identify differently from the conventional gender binary.

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This post was culled from Medium and was written by Emitomo Tobi Nimisire

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Chinenye Opeodu Blows Hot On Raising Boys To Embrace Their Emotions

Almost everyone’s heard phrases like:

“Boys don’t cry”

“Man up”

“Take it like a man”

“Na man you be”

The list is endless.

I have always wondered how these phrases came to be. It disheartens me to see how differently boys and girls are raised, yet we wonder why there is a great amount of prejudice and stereotypes in the world. Even with feminism on the rise, some of the mistakes our parents made in raising male and female children differently are still being repeated.

I am a very passionate woman. The women in my life are equally passionate, if not more. We do not hesitate to convey our feelings and we may cry just because a spider is tangled in its own web. I don’t consider this a weakness at all.

My brothers and father, on the other hand, are the opposite. My dad is a tough man outwardly and never says he loves you, but he’ll show this love through his actions. He always said to us that being too emotional was a woman’s feeble ploy to get her way. My older brothers are what you’ll refer to as ‘alpha males’, just like my dad. Their true emotions have always remained restrained, never seeping through any crack. Up till now, I regularly end our conversations with “I love you” and they respond with a grunt. But that didn’t stop us though, we owned our emotions and that’s probably because my mum was so in touch with her own feelings too.

Many men I know are like my brothers (sorry for tossing you fellas under the bus. I love you). Men have been so conditioned to hold back on their true feelings to avoid looking like a ‘sissy’. They have been wired to see vulnerability as a shortcoming, and not to act in any manner that could be considered as feminine. 

Patriarchy starts from the moment a child is born. When a father leaves the raising of his children to his wife simply because he is a man and his job is to look for money. When a boy is admonished for wanting to play with toys that have been ‘reserved’ for females. When you see a boy crying because he is genuinely hurt and you ask, “Are you a girl? Is it not this small thing?” 

Let’s not forget when you see a boy that bullies others and you jokingly praise him as a “bad guy”. Thinking about it now, I vividly remember times my parents traveled and my oldest brother was told to make sure he took charge because he was now the man of the house. My older sister, who was already doing a great job of it, was overlooked. We have all witnessed or partaken in any of these at some point.

As a mother of two growing boys and a daughter, I am learning to unlearn all the negative behaviors I’m used to. I am more aware of what is being projected towards both genders. 

I worry that when we tell boys not to cry, we are demanding that they snuff out their true self and we hinder them from expressing themselves freely. I worry that by telling them that they are inadvertently perceived as weak for expressing their emotions, we are strengthening the generational belief that women are the fragile sex. This unconsciously creates boys who, in their quest to prove their masculinity to the world, leave a jagged trail of hurt people in their wake – just to show that they are real ‘bad guys’.

How about we change the narrative? Just for a second, imagine a world where men had the right dose of ‘alpha’ (if they want) but also sensitive to both their emotions and that of others. Imagine a world where men are allowed to be vulnerable and to express their true feelings without being sneered at, and a world where men have high respect for the opposite gender. Wouldn’t that be so ideal? 

Those are the type of men I pray to raise. I think there is so much beauty in guiding children to be their most authentic and confident selves without letting the world dictate how they should or should not respond to events. 

The bottom line is that it is liberating to express yourself whether you’re male or female. I don’t want to raise a crybaby; notwithstanding boys should please cry whenever they feel the urge. Speak as you think it and love as hard as you feel. The world needs more men like you.

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This post's full credit goes to Bella Naija

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

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Assessing The Nigerian Economy In Relation To COVID-19 - Best Fiscal Policy To Aid Economic Growth

Daniel Anowu writes: With 4.4 million coronavirus cases and 296,101 deaths globally, the world lingers in battling the coronavirus pandemic. Before the occurrence, the perspective for the world economy and especially developing African countries like Nigeria were fragile, as global GDP growth was estimated to be only 2.5 percent in 2020. While many developing countries have recorded comparatively fewer cases, Nigeria currently has over 4,787 confirmed cases and 158 deaths as 13th May 2020 confirmed by the NCDC. The weak capacity of health care systems in the country is likely to aggravate the pandemic and its impact on the Nigerian economy.

THE EFFECT OF COVID-19 ON THE NIGERIAN ECONOMY

Afore the pandemic, the Nigerian government had been struggling with weak recovery from the 2014 oil price shock, with GDP growth conical around 2.3 percent in 2019. In February, the IMF revised the 2020 GDP growth rate from 2.5 percent to 2 percent, as a result of relatively low oil prices and limited fiscal space. Relatedly, the country’s debt profile has been a source of concern for policymakers and development practitioners as the most recent estimate puts the debt service-to-revenue ratio at 60 percent, which is likely to worsen amid the steep decline in revenue associated with falling oil prices. These constraining factors will aggravate the economic impact of the COVID-19 outbreak and make it more difficult for the government to weather the crisis.

No economy is spared from the fall-out from COVID-19 outbreak. Meanwhile, oil prices have dipped to historical lows, and its support levels are noticeably not in sight as it clipped US$20pb on 30thof March, 2020. Oil production has outpaced demand due to the impasse between OPEC and OPEC +(Russia) in a bid to rein in threats from the surge in the US on oil production also, worse events still ahead as demand may dip further in half-year 2020 and beyond, if factories and airlines remain closed, even as movement of people and goods within and between countries are largely restricted. 

The resulting effect of this is that Aggregate demand will fall, but government expenditure will rise. Currently, efforts were already being made to bolster aggregate demand through increased government spending and tax cuts for businesses. The public budget increased from 8.83 trillion naira ($24.53 billion) in 2019 to 10.59 trillion naira ($29.42 billion) in 2020, representing 11 percent of the national GDP, while small businesses have been exempted from company income tax, and the tax rate for medium-sized businesses has been revised downwards from 30 to 20 percent. Unfortunately, the COVID-19 crisis is causing all components of aggregate demand, except for government purchases, to fall.

COVID-19 pandemic affects the components of aggregate demand with the following:

Falling consumption pattern

Falling Investments

Upsurge Government spending

Decreasing Net Exports

The fall in household consumption in Nigeria will stem from;

 1) Partial (or full) restrictions on movement, thus causing consumers to spend primarily on essential goods and services.

2) Low potentials of future income, particularly by workers in the gig economy that are engaged on a short-term/contract basis, as well as the working poor in the informal economy.

3) The destruction of wealth and expected wealth as a result of the decline in assets such as stocks and home equity. Movement restrictions have not only reduced the consumption of nonessential commodities in general, but have affected the income-generating capacity of these groups, thus reducing their consumption expenditure.

FISCAL POLICY RESPONSES BY THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT

Fiscal policy refers to the use of government spending and tax policies to influence economic conditions. In relation to COVID-19, the federal government of Nigeria has put in place the following policies

Expansionary Fiscal Policy

During a recession, the government may employ expansionary fiscal policy by lowering tax rates to increase aggregate demand and fuel economic growth. The Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) has arranged a fiscal stimulus package, including a 50 billion naira ($138.89 million) credit facility to households and small and medium enterprises most affected by the pandemic, a 100 billion naira ($277.78 million) loan to the health sector, and a 1 trillion naira ($2.78 billion) to the manufacturing sector. In addition, the interest rates on all CBN interventions have been revised downwards from 9 to 5 percent, and a one-year moratorium on CBN intervention facilities has been introduced, effective March 1.

With oil being Nigeria’s main source of foreign exchange, amid the steep decline in oil prices, the official exchange rate has been adjusted from 306 to 360 naira. The exchange rate under the investors and exporters (I&E) window has also been adjusted from 360 to 380 naira in order to unify the exchange rates across the I&E window, Bureau de Change, and retail and wholesale windows. Furthermore, the government has introduced import duty waivers for pharmaceutical companies and increased efforts toward ensuring that they receive forex.

Other Suggested Policy Responses That Can Be Implemented As Suggested By Experts

Given the size and scope of the economic impact of the pandemic, there is the need to implement other recovery strategies to stimulate demand. 

The federal government should improve efforts towards enhancing the efficiency and effectiveness of the distributive mechanisms to reach households that are worst-hit by the pandemic.

The Federal Inland Revenue Service (FIRS) as well as State Inland Revenue Services (SIRS) should waive payments on personal and corporate income tax for the second quarter of 2020, considering that the shock has affected the income and profits of households and businesses.

The CBN’s decision to increase the cash reserve ratio (CRR) from 22.5 percent to 27.5 percent in January 2020 should be revisited to provide liquidity for banks so that banks can, in turn, create credit to the private sector.

FIRS and SIRS should delay tax collection for the worse-hit sectors including tourism, the airline industry, and hoteliers in order to enable them recover from the steep decline in demand.

The COVID-19 pandemic is a wake-up call to policymakers as the unusual and unprecedented nature of the crisis has made it impossible for citizens to rely on foreign health care services and more difficult to solicit for international support given the competing demand for medical supplies and equipment. A more integrated response spanning several sectors—including the health, finance, and trade sectors—is required to address structural issues that make the country less resilient to shocks and limit its range of policy responses. In the long term, tougher decisions need to be made, including but not limited to diversifying the country’s revenue base away from oil exports and improving investments in the health care sector in ensuring that the economy is able to recover quickly from difficult conditions in the future.

Written By: Daniel Anowu

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BUSINESS: 'Joe Heman' Reveals 5 Annoying Set Of People That Ruin Businesses

Checkout this 5 Annoying People That Ruin Businesses

By: Joe Heman

One of the most important keys to running a successful business is hanging around successful and positive people. Unfortunately, after 7+ years running several small businesses, I have encountered 5 key and consistent traits in people that have hindered my business progress ranging from the overtly positive to the manic depressive. I have listed all 5 below and I hope that this article would help you identify these individuals so that you can cut them off real quickly - so you don’t waste as much time as I did with them.

Person #1: The Sycophant

Everything you do is great. You can do no wrong in their eyes. They always provide positive feedback even when something is clearly bad. They are normally family members and friends who don’t want to hurt our feelings…but they hurt our businesses instead. Some of their favorite words include “perfect” and “no issues at all.” Unfortunately too many entrepreneurs are attracted to these individuals because of their seemingly encouraging feedback.. but like wolves in sheep clothings these individuals are the greatest threat to your business. They make us feel comfortable and isolate us from the reality of our products. I am not saying positive feedback is bad, but your greatest way for a company to grow is through well structured and honest criticism. Stay away from the Sycophants!

Person #2: The Vampire, Leech and Blood Sucker

They want to get advice from you at all times of the day and drain your energy with incessant questions. But when you need their assistance or help they disappear. In biology we call that type of behaviour PARASITIC! You want to keep this people away from you and your business because their major goal is to take and take and take without giving and in the end your business will suffer! Surround yourselves with people who are willing to return the favor…in the end this cycle of support will help grow not just your business but their business. Stay away from blood suckers!

Person #3: The Cheap Skate

Everything is too expensive for them. If they are not getting it for free then it is not a deal. They are the first to disappear when a class or program requires payment. They are dangerous because their mind set is limited to the FREE and they would limit your business growth…by poisoning you with their self limiting thoughts. Now there is nothing wrong with doing things for cheap in your business…but there is a limit to where FREE and CHEAP can take you. For your business to grow you have to invest quality dollars into various aspects of the business and by hanging around people who flinch every time you spend money will slowly freeze your business growth.

Person #4: Mr. Advise

Aptly called Mr.Advise because these individuals are normally male…this is the person that has advice for every single idea you have! Problem is that they have never done it. And thus they would give you advice that seems good on the surface but is terrible in reality. One of my most critical rules to live by has and always will be…to primarily seek advice from people who have already done what I am seeking advice on! Simple but powerful. I cannot tell you the amount of times people have given me business advice that has ended up confusing me even more. And the one thing I noticed was that the source of my most confusing advice came from people have never done what they are advising on. Strive to stay away from the over advice giver…they may be using your business as an experiment. But if you have to listen to them…filter the data carefully!

If you want to go to Disney world, ask someone who has been to Disney world - Dale Wamsley

Person #5 Mr Negative

The sky is always falling in their world. Nothing you propose to them will ever work they are pessimistic about everything and discourage anything new or revolutionary. Avoid them at all costs! They would have killed the Facebook idea if they have a chance and would kill your new business idea before it even has a chance. They are the complete opposites of sycophants but are more dangerous as they can spread their negative energy into your business so much so that you begin to doubt the possible success of your business. Stay away from Mr. Negative!

Conclusion

In conclusion. we are pretty sure that at one point or the other in your business, you must have encountered quite a number of these individuals. If you have, kindly share your experiences with us in the comment section below.

Thanks as always for reading. We hope you have picked out one or two genuine lessons from this session. We also look forward to hearing from you.

Click to connect with Joe Heman

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DEPRESSION: The High Rate Of Technology In The Society Has Given Room To Abandonment

They high rate of Technology in the society has given room to abandonment, we live in a society where human feelings are gone, no one cares to check on a friend, no one cares how you feel, Everyone is busy with his daily activities, the love of human has

been transferred to technology, a society where a problem shared will become a post headline on Facebook, where taking selfie has replace caring for a sick friend, a society of slay queen and pageant kings, a society where one is bound to belong to the ruling party or face stigmatize and rejected hereby giving room to depression.( Emma-spiritus)

Depression

Many people suffer from depression at one point in their life. It is inevitable, the feeling of hopelessness, sorrow, or being alone. These are all common emotions associated with depression. For a select few, depression can be hard to overcome, and this is where depression becomes a disorder that requires active treatment. Those 'selected few' account for over 100 million people worldwide and result in 75% of all psychiatric hospitalizations (Gotlib & Hammen, 1992). 

Yet the question remains, why did these people become depressed? How did they become depressed? One of the answers that lead to the cause of depression would be a person's interpersonal relationship with their surroundings and the people around them. There are many interpersonal instances that can have the ability to lead to the onset of depression, such as the family, environment, the socialization setting, and the discrimination against gender in certain cultures and instances.

Medically, Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living. (Mayo Clinic Staff).

MAJOR CAUSES DEPRESSION

We shall be looking at Two angle, from the Medical point of view and also the sociological point of view.

Medically, it is said that depression is a brain disorder and some causes of depression Include Genetic characteristics, changes in hormone levels, Stress, Certain medical illness etc.

Sociological View, Depression can be cause due to unable to achieve certain goal in life, Lose of a loved one, Frustration, poverty, Stereotype, discrimination, stigmatizing an individual, Rejection, Fear of Failure ETC.

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION

Depression commonly affects your thoughts, your emotions, your behaviors and your overall physical health. Here are some of the most common symptoms that point to the presence of depression.

Feelings

• Sadness
• Hopelessness
• Guilt
• Moodiness
• Angry outbursts
• Loss of interest in friends, family and favorite activities, including sex

Thoughts

• Trouble concentrating
• Trouble making decisions
• Trouble remembering
• Thoughts of harming yourself
• Delusions and/or hallucinations can also occur in cases of severe depression

Behaviors

• Withdrawing from people
• Substance abuse
• Missing work, school or other commitments
• Attempts to harm yourself

Physical Problems

• Tiredness or lack of energy
• Unexplained aches and pains
• Changes in appetite
• Weight loss
• Weight gain
• Changes in sleep – sleeping too little or too much
• Sexual problems

Of course, all of us can expect to experience one or more of these symptoms on occasion. An occurrence of any one of these symptoms on its own does not constitute depression. When healthcare professionals suspect depression, they commonly look for clusters of these symptoms occurring regularly for two weeks or longer, and impacting functional aspects of the person’s life.

Suicide: Depression

From the Sociological View point of the Cause o f depression, Their lies the main cause of Depression in the African society mostly Nigeria, the high rate of Suicide in the world is cause by depression and this is commonly among young people. 

Few Months ago their was a news on the Social media of a young Ghanaian secondary school student, who commit suicide due to heart breaking, the story has it that his girl friend leave him for someone more handsome than him, the young guy was depressed which lead to his death. He feel rejected because he is ugly or not man enough so inorder to avoid the shame he has to commit suicide.

On the 19th of March 2017, a medical doctor, identified as Dr. Orji, stopped his vehicle on the Third Mainland Bridge and jumped into the lagoon. According to eye witness, the doctor was said to have packed his car at the middle of the bridge and jumped into the lagoon. 

During my Final year in The university, their was an incident that occur, a young student of year 1 or 2, tried to commit suicide because the girl friend broken up with him, and he tried to take his life by drinking sniper, if not for the intervention of other student around, he could have die.

The stories above are true life story of the suicide which was cause by depression, Depression can lead to many ill behavior, that’s why it is commonly among the Igbo tribe, that when a love one dies, friends or family will be around when the news will be broken down to the family member mainly the Mother is it happened to be his beloved son that dies, why? So that the Mother will not commit suicide base on the bad news. Depression can lead to many harm, crime, and ill behavior which might in turn harm the person or the society at large.

HOW IS DEPRESSION TREATED?

There are several strategies for treating depression. Depending upon each individual’s characteristics and symptoms, healthcare professionals may employ one or more types of psychotherapy that rely upon a sequence of interpersonal treatment sessions with a trained professional. In addition, clinicians may suggest that a patient try one of a number of different medications. Lifestyle changes, including improvements in sleeping and eating habits, physical activity and stress reduction have also proven very helpful in managing symptoms. The best Treatment to Depression is LOVE.

LOVE THE BEST TREATMENT

This is the best treatment to depression, Love supersede all understanding. From the onset of this article, Lack of love is the major cause of Depression. We are in the 21st century, the great era of Technological reform, the love of human is been replays by gadgets, a crime site is a tourist center, a problem shared a next day headline on Facebook, bloggers looking for sad stories to share to get more traffic and yet not ready to provide solutions. We need to bring back to Love to humanity; Only Love can save the human race from Depression which gradually is eating us up. 

By: Emmanuel Nwebunu

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How Corruption Recruits A Fighting Force Waiting For A Command

Zoning and rotational leadership are serious problems in Nigerian political system. To say that the North wants to rule perpetually is to miss the mark. Rather it is corruption, selfishness, greed and injustice leading to votes not being counted that caused this problem. So those placed in advantageous positions simply assign votes in their favour and declare them as votes to tally with the population of their areas. To correct this, we say that the very structure is to be re-structured with legislations that would take care of minority interest so that nobody is intentionally or systematically marginalized.

If oil producing areas were fairly treated, if the minorities were not marginalized, if there were free and fair elections where every vote counts, if some Nigerians were not regarded as second class citizens or as visitors/strangers as if they were foreigners, if nepotism, ethnicity and religion never played key roles in governance, Nigerians would not be agitating for restructuring and the Igbos would not be agitating for Biafra.

By: Terfa Naswem

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Sahara Reporters And Its Controversial Reports: A Call For Professionalism

Sahara reporters once reported that President Buhari was on life-support and would not be able to govern Nigeria again. This information made Fayose to even make more noise that he had such pictures and would expose the state of Buhari’s health.

The same Sahara Reporters recently reported that Buhari will be back to Nigeria on 27th July 2017 after his doctors confirm him fit.

My basic question to Sahara Reporters is what should we believe or not believe again from its stories? A lot of its reports recently have been baseless, full of political sentiments and propaganda. Where is Sahara Reporters heading to? What is wrong with it now? Sahara Reporters was a more dependable and very reliable online source of news. But today, many audiences no more understand what they should believe again from Sahara based on its so many recent controversial reports. Disjointed reports, reports with no fundamental issues, poor investigative reports, reports based on sentiments and propaganda now are Sahara’s best values; a gross abuse of professionalism is what this is.

I am calling on the publisher of Sahara Reporters Mr. Omoyele Sowore to desist from creating unnecessary tension in the Nigerian already heated polity. He should revitalized Sahara Reporters and should make it to be more acceptable now that many of its audiences have lost faith in it.

By: Terfa Naswem

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READ: Top 10 Mistakes Upcoming Nigerian Artistes Must Avoid

There are a thousand and one people who can sing, but not all singers get into the hall of fame.

Over the years, the number of upcoming recording artistes in Nigeria has increased tremendously, and it takes dedication, hard work and consistency to turn a music dream into a successful career.

However, some upcoming artistes will remain “upcoming” if they don’t drop certain myths that lead them into making certain career blunders. These tips are not cast in stones, but are relevant to help push someone’s career forward. If you want to be rich and famous through music, you should take this post seriously.

1. Making Hits Should Not Always Be the Focus

Hits are amazing, cos they bring instant fame, but when an artiste is always aiming at making hits and club bangs, he misses out on the bigger picture. Most artistes are always looking for hits instead of good music, forgetting that good content most times turns out to be hit, not the other way round. You might end up making the hit, but its wackiness will make it fade away in no time.

2. Big Studios Don’t Equate To Big Hits

This myth has been proven over time. Many hits have been produced from small bedroom or home studios. Timaya didn’t get fame working with a big producer, even Alakpomeji Records that produced the first hits of 9ice, was not big until they made Gonga Aso hit. Big studios usually have great gadgets, software and sometimes experienced producers, but then it is not a guarantee that the studio would produce songs that will rule the air waves.

3. Music Doesn’t Promote Itself

Some music promotes itself when it is very good but then, you need to push it out first before it gains ground. Upcoming artistes sometimes feel reluctant to go around promoting their works, maybe due to lack of money or support or even a dying passion. This jinx needs to be broken. If your music must be heard you should not stop promoting it via the Blogs (more effective these days) Radios, TV, interview, Print media and Gigs.

4. Never Say No to Free Gigs

Most upcoming artistes make the mistake of turning down invitations to perform for free in events, forgetting that publicity is key in entertainment. Before you get up there, you must pay your dues and free events are just the perfect path to channel your contributions. Free performances are great platforms like a show room where you showcase your talent and build a fan base. Upcoming artistes should learn to embrace such invitations as it helps upgrade their acts.

5. Be Nice to Everyone

Fans are indirect marketers so you need to have a good attitude towards everyone as they are all your marketers. Nobody likes to be disrespected, not even by a star, so as an upcoming artiste should be friendly with neighbors, manager, producer, clients and the general public. Also be in good terms with family, as they form your backbone that defends and protects you when crisis arises.

6. Be Known For a Sound

Find your sound and never be a copy of another artiste. You can be inspired by them but don’t mimic them, as you’ll be seen as a karaoke singer. Karaoke is a good rehearsal ground. However, artistes should write their own songs and should not try to sound like their favorite artiste. Be YOU! Be original!

7. Never Record Your Songs with a Producer You Don’t Connect With

Recording a song is like making love to a partner. There needs to be a connection for the music to sound right. Most people get their songs to the wrong hands and become unhappy after the session. Sadly, some producers are interested in the money, while only a very few are interested in your success. Find that producer who wants to see you go far and has the right tone to compliment your voice.

8. Do Not Start Your Career As a Feature Artiste

What you step out as would be how people see you henceforth. You might go a bit far with collaborations but might not last with just that. Look around and research artistes in these two categories and confirm for yourself that it is better to own a song than to feature endlessly in other people’s track.

9. You Can’t Make It Alone

To run fast you need to run alone, but to run far, you need company. You’ll need God, People & Talent to get far in a musical career, so make friends the next time you are an entertainment scene. Look for mentors, get a publicity manager, form a team that would help you build a long lasting brand as a musician. Talent will take you up but connections will sustain you.

10. Get an Entertainment Lawyer

This does not need stressing. An entertainment lawyer helps an artiste to cover his loopholes, draft contracts for him, help him interpret contracts and also put in place every legal aspect of a musician. If Brymo had a personal lawyer, he would not have found himself in the big mess he did with his former Record Label, Chocolate City. Do not be like those artistes who only know the music art and lack the “business side.” No one ever made it in Music but in Music Business!

All the best as you transform from an upcoming artiste to a real musician.

Cheers!

Culled from — NL Music Career Advice

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READ: Thoughts Of A Teenager (II)

I am so sick and tired of these labels I see everywhere. Labels like feminism, sexism, racism, patriotism, tribalism, ethnicity, inferiority and every other label that are known in this world. I am tired of people preaching what they will never practice. I am so sick of people judging others when their lives are nothing to write home about. I am so fed up with people who always complain about corruption, when in their own locality their level of corruption is alarming and I am so hurt by how people treat and make other feel less than a human being.

Tell me why we deceive ourselves, why do we do things in certain ways, why do we treat others in certain ways, why do we assign labels to everything in this world.

Are we not all humans?

Were we not all born of a woman?

Are we not all equal in the sight of our maker?

Let me tell you no man is truly above his fellow man, true nobility is not being above your fellow man but being above your former self. I pray to see the day that we humans will survive, live and thrive together. I hope to live to see the day that humans will live in peace, love, harmony, prosperity and in bliss forever. I wish to see the day that things in our society will be earned and given based on merit and not on sentiments and connections. 

I do hope to see that very glorious and noble day even though it seems like I am just wasting my time writing this article. I do pray it comes through someday and somehow. I do wish for this to come to pass in the not too distant future.

- Genius

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OPINION: Lynch Rahama for Dancing, But Ignore Ali Nuhu for Kissing???

Angry fans are still infuriated by the exxpulsion of Kannywood actress, Rahama Sadau following her appearance in a supposed non-hausa/kannywood music video by popular artiste Classiq. 

Read what  Hassan Mohammed posted on facebook in what he tagged a gender based violence on women.

SO, LYNCH RAHAMA FOR DANCING, BUT IGNORE ALI NUHU FOR KISSING, RIGHT?

I just can't believe I'm doing this, standing up for a young woman who foolishly left business school, my department, my class, for an acting career, when she can take on both, by taking up her spot, seriously pursuing her academic career and at the same time taking up occasional roles in films, music, commercials and home videos. But somebody must stick it to these obtuse and deplorable chauvinists.

Let me start with full disclosure. I don't watch Nigerian movies. In truth I hate them. I cannot stand them. I hardly ever talk about them because I know next to nothing about them. The hullabaloo in the news a music video caught my attention. I became interested because of the person involved and I located it on YouTube. Watching it, I concluded that if you are looking for where misogyny, chauvinism, bigotry and hypocrisy collide to beat up on a very helpless person to a pulp, look no further than this latest victim of zealotry.

And that victim is Ms Rahama Sadau. She was expelled from her regional film industry because she acted and danced in a non-Kannywood (a dog-whistle for not our kind) Hausa music video and she was expelled for it. Meanwhile, Ali Nuhu has been and still is acting in non-Kannywood home-videos. He is a married man, he is usually captured in raunchy scenes, kissing and smooching women. But NO PROBLEM. An unmarried woman appeared in a music video where there is no kissing, but she was expelled?

Well, let me help you understand what happened. We know that to sing and dance is what they do in all these useless, classless, amoral and irresponsible Hausa films, that on average have 6 or 8 Hindi-styled meaningless songs and dance routines. She was not expelled for playing such roles. But was expelled for one song of 4:09 minutes. You know it has nothing to do with morals but the fact that she appeared in video with a non-Hausa, Luka Barnabas and in trousers. If they cannot say it, we will help them out of their miserably misogynistic hypocrisy and say it for them. Everything in that short music video is what they do in Kannywood. The only difference is the city and the love interest of young woman. Other than that no difference.

I'm reading some equally idiotic and misogynistic people saying it was a right decision because she put them to shame. She didn't put you to shame, you nincompoops. If she did anything shameful, then it is on her. Each of us is only individually responsible for and accountable to our actions. I will not go to heaven for your good deeds, nor will I go to hell for your sins. We are all on our own. By the way, it is okay to dance and sing to Hausa music or with Hausa people but immoral to do it with non Hausa artist or in non Hausa music video?

What kind of religious books are these clowns reading? If you believe it is wrong then it should be wrong regardless of who she does it with. When the good book told you that fornication is wrong it didn't say that it is okay to do it with one group and not the other. When they were told not the drink alcohol, they were never told that they have options of who to drink with? Just that, don't drink. You don't cherry pick on God's laws. You are either wholly for them or not.

You cannot sing and dance and tell some other people that they are wrong for doing it. That is all a case of a stupid pot calling kettle black. Come to think of it, in what way does a boy and a girl singing affect your culture? How is that even our culture? Which idiot will finish watching a man and woman singing and dancing to love interests in a movie then go out and locate another man or woman and start singing and dancing to her on the streets of Zaria, Kano, Katsina or Abuja? Who will be foolish to tell his children watch Kannywood or Nollywood and learn how to behave? I've always maintained that only fools will outsource the training of their kids to movies.

What is good for Rahama who only appeared in a music video and danced and held hands should be worse for Ali Nuhu who smooched and stick his married tongue into another woman's mouth for so many minutes in different takes. So, ban him for life. I know I'm asking for what is impossible. But if it can be done, then they need to follow that with all those who drink like camel and those they alleged and accuse of been queer. None of that will happen. For we are only eager to slut shame young women.

As they say in show business, "there is no such thing as bad publicity". Now that Rahama and Barnabas Luka aka ClassiQ have been thrust into national limelight for all the wrong reasons, she (particularly) has two major (but simple) decisions to make - join Nollywood full time. Move to Lagos and do her thing. Work hard and be very good at it. These foolish men-children will come back and beg her with roles. The other nincompoops will watch. While at it, she must go back to school. Try and complete her HND or BSc. Because nothing says "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" to control freaks than a woman with real education who ignores them. Move to Lagos young woman. Move! I still hate the movie industry.

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READ: Top 7 Things Nigerian Ladies Expect Guys To Do While Toasting Them

The men of this generation do not know how to read in between the lines when dealing with women. They expect everything to play out smoothly and easily when they meet some Nigerian ladies. Nigerian ladies on the other hand have too much integrity they can hardly bear with putting a strand of it at stake. They enjoy the constant attention they get from men even though they know what they want from the very beginning. To most of them, it is a way of reassuring themselves in order to know how the way they thrive when it comes to the opposite s3x

Men generally lack the patience to discover the pattern with which the ladies operate. They are quick to judge and some of them give up rather too easily. Patience is indeed a virtue and the women expect the men to dog after them all their lives till they say yes and get the relationship going.

Most women know there would be a time when the men’s euphoria would wash away when it comes to them and they are ,most likely to treat them anyhow based on familiarity.

Thus, find below some of the things Nigerian ladies want you to do while toasting them:

1. Never get tired of doing the chasing

Trust us when we say this is an interesting game to the ladies. To many Nigerian ladies, the time they get to enjoy most when they meet new guys is that time when the guys are doing the chasing; they enjoy the high level of attention, commitment, generosity, love and affection they get from men while they are toasting them or asking them out. Therefore, you are expected to keep running after them; you should not be weary or relent in the effort you are putting in while doing this.

2. Find what they love and keep doing it

While many of these Nigerian ladies may not actually tell you what they want you to do in order not to be seen as being materialistic, they expect you to develop certain skills that will help you discover what they really like and keep doing it.

This would help them in their decision-making process; and in some cases, it may help them discover another use for you. It is essential for you to shower them with money at this stage so they would know you are capable of adding their responsibilities to yours.

3. Hang around, their ‘NO’ could be momentary

The older generation believes it is not ideal for a lady to quickly give in to a man’s advances. This means that some of the ladies would like you and would be tempted to say yes the moment you ask them out.

However, they have to act ladylike and in accordance with the sentimental expectations of the society. Thus, they would say ‘No’ at first and expect you to hang around until the second toasting phase starts. If you were told no and moved on to the next available lady, the conclusion would be that you are a playboy. Therefore, hang around!

4. Talk and chat dirty with her

While you do not want to strike her as some randy guy, she also expects you to show signs that you are a happening guy. This means you will occasionally send her mild dirty texts that you can be sure she would borrow airtime from her service provider in order to reply you. Nigerian ladies expect you to understand their coyness and play this little dirty game with them.

5. Engage her with chats

Nigerian ladies expect you to have the whole time in the world for them; this means you have to be able to keep them active with chats and all. Be on one or two social networking sites that they love and chat with them round the clock.

If a woman finds you interesting, she would keep responding to you until she gets a confirmation in her head that you both are meant for each other. However, if she does not respond to your chat, that means you have succeeded in boring her out.

6. Find one or two mutual friends that she respects

Nigerian ladies are becoming more sensitive to things happening around them. Most times, they expect you to know someone they know that will act as a shield for them.

This mutual friend would make you bond faster with them as they would be more comfortable being around you. If the mutual friend is someone she respects, this would add to your rep and speed up the whole process.

7. Be that dream man of every woman

Many Nigerian ladies expect the men they meet to be that perfect man that every lady would want to crush on. The only problem is that they do not really hand out guides on how to make you become the perfect man that would suit their tastes.

So while asking them out, they want to see certain traits and qualities that would help them ascertain if the relationship would be a long term or short term affair.

Culled from: Tooflexing

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READ: Top 6 Things Your Child Should Know Before Starting School

It is a common believe that school is the place learning begins. It is also a commonly held belief that learning starts in Kindergarten for some. However, these things are simply not true. In fact, many of the things that are explicitly taught in American schools today are not even directly related to the academic standards which students are charged to master by the end of their school year. The truth is that the home is where learning beings and learning begins from birth.

Since the moment that a child leaves his mother's womb he/she is learning constantly. They learn things like when they can get food, how to use a bottle, and how to get attention. Learning doesn't stop in infancy. As a child gets older before they turn school aged they are learning a wide variety of social skills and some academic knowledge. The problem is that the rules that aren't being taught explicitly by parents at home will be created by children. This answers many questions like why children cry to get what they want instead of asking. So, teachers have to step in. They have to step in and teach these things because most of the time the things that students are missing are skills that are going to help them learn academics. Teacher don't have much time either. Here are the things children should know before they enter school.

1. ABCs 

You may think that it is up to the teacher to teach things like the alphabet, but considering the large amount of literacy skills that a student learns even in Kindergarten students who do not know their ABCs before they enter school are already behind. Many students go into Kindergarten already knowing letter names and sounds, for those who don't behavior issues will ensue due to this gap and class growth will be diminished. Being able to recognize and say the name of 26 letters, without even knowing the sounds, is a very small task since learning to read is literally learning another language, but the benefit to students particularly those who will have trouble learning to read is great if they can go into Kindergarten already knowing the foundation of reading, the letters.

2. Count to 20 

Some children boast on how they can count to 100 or 1000 even by 1st grade. This is great, but children should have a clear understanding of 1-20 for many reasons. When you start using addition and subtraction the student will start computing with 1-20. The teens numbers-- 13 to 19-- are very confusing for learners. If they don't have a clear understanding of it they will undoubtedly confuse thirteen and thirty as they get into higher numbers. Being able to count high is great, but 1-20 is by far the most important initial skill.

3. Drawing 

Fine and gross motor skills are very important for children. Fine motor skill are important for school because children will be expected to write words and numbers. At the age children enter school their hands are not fully developed which is all the more reason to get them started early with manipulating writing utensils like markers, crayons, and pencils.

4. Identify everything in your house 

The number one problem with teaching children is not there ability to learn because all students regardless of socioeconomic status have the same ability to learn, it is their background knowledge. On average, affluent school children go into school with a vocabulary of up to approximately 2000 more words than their lower class counterparts. They perform higher simply because they know what things are. For every lesson a teacher gives, unknown vocabulary must be taught. This can be a daunting task for teachers who's students cannot identify something as trivial as the food items in their refrigerator. So it isn't unusual to expect your child to know that a picture sits in a frame on the counter in the family room.

5. Sitting silently 

Sitting silently is a behavior skill that children don't inherently have, so it is something that needs to be taught. Children are naturally energetic. A child needs to be able to know how to sit in one place for a relatively extended period of time without talking or moving around. There ability to do this will greatly enhance their learning and the learning of others around them because it limits distractions. For a parent, this means if you have company or you have business in one room and you can't supervise your child in another room for a short amount of time, have your child sit still while you finish up your conversation or cooking or work. At home is where they should learn this. Trust that very few things in life come naturally and the mindset of "They're just babies" turns into "They're just kids" which turns into "Boys will be boys" which turns into "They're just teen-agers" which unfortunately turns into "You need to straighten up" or "Where did I go wrong?".

6. Speaking in complete sentences

Speech is an integral part of the literacy process. Children do not learn to speak with all of the rules of grammar to create sentences of meaning. Every child is either taught how to speak or they create rules for themselves based on what they observe. They will accept these rules based on whether or not they are corrected. It's okay to speak to your family one way, but when you go to school you are communicating with adults and children who speak and are learning to understand common language respectively. This also is important for literacy because you write how you speak.

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READ: Six Things You Can Do For A Dying Loved One

Accept the fact that they are dying

Acceptance is the last stage of grief and the ultimate goal of the grieving process. However, before one can actualize this step acknowledgement is needed; Then you can accept the fact fully. It is also important to understand that death and the knowledge of imminent death are two separate grieving processes. If one can accept the knowledge of death first the grief associated with the actual death may be easier to manage.

 

Protect them from Loneliness
Death is a lonely process. There is an adage that people enter the world alone and leave the world alone. It is important to understand that imminent death is a lonely experience that very few could possibly understand. Recognize this fact and provide your loved one with the companionship and comfort that they desire.

Show Them Your Love 

Often times people go through life assuming that others understand the depth of their feelings towards them, but it is often unsaid. Often times these unexpressed words or gestures end up becoming unfinished business when the person passes away or moves on. Because the finality of death offers no recompense, it is important to give your ailing loved one the expression of love that is owned them. This act or gesture has the capacity of being therapeutic for both parties. Unfinished business only affects the persons who are left behind. So, be it the three little words "I love you" or knitting your loved one some clothes, expressing your love is essential.

Tend to unfinished emotional or personal business
It is important to recognize that as someone is dying grief begins to beset those who are closest to the ailing loved one. Understanding and confronting your own emotional baggage, both that which is caused by the death and the unfinished emotional/ personal business that one might have with the person, will allow you to free yourself from some of the anticipated grief that you will endure. This may require a serious conversation with your loved one or with yourself. Ultimately this will allow you to be more emotionally present and invested in you loved one's last hours.



Create a space of both Peace and Joy around them

Having a space of peace is important to the mental, physical, and emotional well-being of an ailing loved one. Knowing of your own imminent death and/ or dealing with a terminal condition is incredibly taxing. A person dealing with such issues should not have to additionally deal with stressful surroundings. A peaceful environment can be both healing and therapeutic. In addition, making sure that their surroundings are not just peaceful, but also a joyous space is important. People can have a strong sense of whether they are being managed. Feeling that people around you are "walking on egg shells" to avoid disturbing your comfort could lead you into a depressive state. True emotional wellness cannot be attained without the proper combination of both peace and joy.

Honour Their Last Wishes

Everyone has a bucket list or last wishes. These wishes whether they be simple or complex can represent a number of different things, as do all wishes. Sometimes they can represent a return to normalcy and can be as simple as sitting down after entering the room. Other times they can represent a dream deferred like seeming the pyramids. Whatever they be, if possible, it is better to see them fulfilled than to leave your loved one wanting in their last days.

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OPINION: Dealing With Conflicts

By: Terfa Naswem

This is a long but important write-up. Take your time and read it carefully. It has a lot to learn from it. Happy reading.

Relating with others is one of the most important things to do in every society. It involves forming relationships and resolving conflicts with people of the same or different nationalities, races, tribes, religions, etc.

People who value themselves, because they are confident and happy, attract other people into friendship. A person’s friend can form a strong support system, which can be a great help in time of need. The members of your support system may be family members, neighbors, school friends, members of a sports team, people in a religious organization, a mentor or advisor, or a therapy or self-help group. Of course, the person participating in such friendships and social groups stands ready to give, as to receive, and so does not need to be embarrassed about asking for support sometimes.

Dealing with conflicts can either cause the severance of a friendship or make it stronger. It’s amazing how often people must deal with a conflict. Every day, at home, at school, at work, or out with friends, small situations occur and are settled without a fuss. Someone accidentally bumps into another, who good-naturedly steps aside. How is it, then, that a bump leads to a push, shoving becomes hitting, and a brawl erupts? The difference lies in people’s reactions to annoyance. The question to ask, therefore, is not whether you will experience conflicts, but how to handle them when they come up.

It is important to learn how to be cool but still stand your ground when conflict arises. If you don’t stay calm, the conflict could lead to violence. On the other hand, if you always give in to keep the peace, your needs may often go unmet. Or you may pretend to ignore the conflict, causing it to “go underground” and get worse.

There is a true tale of the outcome of conflict handled badly: Two families, the Hatfields and the McCoys, lived in the mountains on opposite banks of the river that separates eastern Kentucky and West Virginia. Some claim the theft of a hog started it all, but whatever the first event, it ignited a 40-year feud that ravaged the two families, then their countries and finally even their states.

Viewing the “Enemy”: If you think a feud like the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys could never happen today, you are mistaken. The story demonstrates a dangerous change that occurs in the minds of people in conflict. At some point, they begin to view one another as “enemies” and start searching for evidence of one another’s villainy. According to the authors of Health: Making Life Choices, second edition, the Hatfields were missing a pig, someone reported seeing an extra pig at the McCoy’s place, the Hatfields retaliate, both sides heard rumors of other crimes, and the shooting started.

Problems quickly multiply. People embroiled in conflict stop communicating. Soon, they hate one another on vague principles. Then others “pick sides” and more and more people become involved. You may know of examples like these:

Your friends hate your “enemy’s” friends. Members of this group don’t speak with members of that group. People in his family cannot become friends with people in her family.

Trust or tolerance can be forever lost – unless someone stops the conflict. Before the end of the Hatfields and the McCoy’s feud, deadly deeds were done by both sides. Even more horrifying, though were the crimes each family imagined the other to have committed. Many friends and neighbors had also become involved. The governors of both states started bickering about the “crimes against their states” committed by the feuding neighbors. Incredibly, each of the two states armed its militia to do battle against the other, and the U.S. Supreme Court finally had to step in to prevent a war.

Eventually, the conflict eased and peace returned to the area. However, terrible damage had been done. Most members of the two families had been killed or ailed, their homes burned down, and their mountain lands lost to creditors. The moral of the story: conflicts tend to pick up steam unless somebody does something to release the pressure.

Luckily, most conflicts can end happily, or at least less disastrously. Resolving a conflict takes courage and work, but it can be done.

The first task in resolving a conflict is to establish that true conflict exists. People naturally express different viewpoints, or react differently to the same events, and these differences are best tolerated. Also, some people waste energy dwelling on a past wrongdoing, but no one can go back and change the past.

True conflict, though, is another matter. Left unsettled, conflict can ruin relationships; interfere with work or school performance, and even lead to violent acts of revenge, especially when people believe their honor is at stake. Conflicts if well-handled, can end constructively. People who face up to their disagreements with others are motivated to make things better. All sorts of ideas, innovations, and inventions have sprung from what were, at first, uncomfortable situations.

With the right attitude, people can break down barriers and create more trust-essential for resolving conflict. Both parties should adjust their attitudes to do the following :

Ø Desire resolution: have a genuine desire to solve the problem.

Ø Join in teamwork: be willing to work together toward finding a solution.

Ø Strive for win-win: know that if each person helps meet the other’s needs, everyone’s needs can be satisfied.

Ø Honor the relationship: desire to maintain or improve the friendship, partnership, or community.

Ø Be flexible but firm: be flexible on how needs are met; be firm that one’s needs will be met.

Ø Be sincerely apologetic when appropriate.

Ø Show courage: have courage to face the problem even while feeling threatened or afraid of hurting other’s feelings.

Ø Be open-minded: be willing to brainstorm and listen to all ideas for new solutions, even if the ideas are later discarded.

With the attitudes described above, people can approach resolving their conflicts.

 
ASSERTIVE, NOT AGGRESSIVE, COMMUNICATION

Of great importance during a conflict is your style of communication. You have to perform a sort of balancing act between getting what you want and meeting the needs of others. They happy center between the extremes of never speaking out and verbally attacking others is assertive behavior, rather than passive or aggressive behavior.

To be assertive is to say what you mean – not to tiptoe around and drop hints, at the one extreme, and not to attack the other person, at the other. Assertiveness does not come naturally to many people. They may not even value it. They may think it’s selfish. However, assertiveness has great value when problems must be worked out.

Assertiveness is the key to getting cooperation and resolving conflicts. It makes it easier, not harder, for people to get along with you.

Assertive means possessing the characteristic of appropriately expressing feelings, wants, and needs while respecting those of others. Assertiveness is the key to obtaining cooperation.

Passive means possessing the characteristic of not expressing feelings appropriately, of remaining silent.

Aggressive means possessing the characteristic of being insulting or overly demanding to others or otherwise invading their territory; an inappropriate expression of feelings.

THE MEDIATOR’S ROLE: Sometimes the help of a neutral third party can move people in conflict closer to resolution. In the Hatfield and McCoy story, a mediator – in this case, the U.S. Supreme Court – stepped in to help separate real issues from imaginary ones. Mediators can be guidance counselors, teachers, friends, or anyone who can lend a clear head.

A mediator meets with both parties, but stays neutral (that is, doesn’t take sides). This gives each party time to tell its version of what happened, with no interruptions. The mediator then helps to identify the facts and issues that are common to both parties. Many times, a mediator can help the arguing parties to respect each other, to wait while the other talks, and to tell the truth. Once everyone agrees on the same set of facts, solutions become possible.
Conflicts are normal in relationships. Assertive communication and conflict resolution strategies can often prevent escalation of conflicts.

 
CONFLICT RESOLUTION STRATEGIES
1. GIVING IN: One person yielding to the other person’s wishes.

Good Uses: Use when issues are not critical to your needs. Use as a way to bargain – give in or an unimportant item in exchange for something you truly want and need. Giving in saves time and hassles. It lets people know you are flexible and willing to bargain.

Cautions: Your needs may be overlooked. Giving in to bullying or threats invites more of the same. If you give in too quickly, you may feel cheated, angry, manipulated, or resentful and so perpetuate the conflict.

2. WALKING AWAY: One party physically of psychologically leaves the conflict.

Good Uses: Use when cooling off is needed – when your or another’s anger rises – to avoid the threat of violence. Use when you need time to think about other opinions that are open to you.

Cautions: The conflict may continue unresolved, and may worsen if not addressed. A mediator, or a third person who wants to help resolve the conflict, can sometimes help to get problem solving back on track.

3. DOING NOTHING: Both sides ignore the problem.

Good Uses: Use when time will cure the problem – for example, when one party is leaving town soon, or when classes will soon change. Use when the problem feels unimportant to both parties.

Cautions: Hostility can go “underground” to silently grow worse. The problem can compound. The parties may feel stress and discomfort in each other’s presence.

4. FIGHTING DIRTY: One party attempts to “win” by underhanded means, such as lying, manipulating (pouting or crying), threatening, blaming and calling names. These tactics press the other person’s “hot buttons” and bring up sensitive issues to which the person reacts defensively.

Good Uses: None.

Cautions: Fighting dirty clouds issues and often worsens conflicts.

5. CONSTRUCTIVE PROBLEM SOLVING: Both parties understand that they have much to gain by resolving the conflict, and they work toward solutions.

Good Uses: Use when both parties are competing for the same resources. This is especially important when the issues are critical to your needs. The more important the issue, the more urgently you need to solve the problem. When the parties solve the issue together, it usually stays solved.

Cautions: Finding the solution takes work, and requires you to compromise. Both people must be willing to give up a little to come to an acceptable solution. Both parties must also agree to follow the ground rules and attitudes presented here.

Some methods of resolving conflicts work better than others, but all are shown for comparison. Conflict Resolution strategies give details about one method that usually works best: constructive problem solving. To use it effectively, the parties express their wants and needs, but at the same time respect the feelings of other people.

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